What or who "made" me gay (and creepy)

I am not new to the question of "what made you gay". My real answer should be that you aren't "made" gay, but rather that I realized it. Well, either way... here's the culprit: t.A.T.u. (see picture on left), Russian pop duo that garnered international recognition in 2001 for their faux-lesbian routine that intrigued the greater population of the world. I first heard of them when a friend played a CD she burned in the car. I believe that I was in 6th grade at the time when I first had a listen of what would change my life forever. It was the song "Not Gonna Get Us", which was a fast-paced Europop song with techno influence. I demanded to know who was responsible for stealing away my heart and my friend told me the artist and song title, which I tucked away in the darker crevices of my brain for later. At the time, I recently discovered wonderment that was (and is) the internet and now with that on my belt, I was free to surf the virtual oceans, sail the electric seas for them! I downloaded every song, every video, saved every picture of them... I have all of it on my external hard drive and it is always growing. For seven years, I still cannot shake them, having pictures of them over my bed and a bear that I named "Lena" after the redhead. It moved away from being a "crush" to an "obsession" that I now try to ignore all things t.A.T.u. so that I don't spend an entire week just doting on them.

But, though hazardous to my health, I had decided to check up on them and see how they are doing, because I knew that their 3rd album was supposed to have released in Russia by now. Also, a movie featuring their music was supposed to have been released but I heard nothing about it. It seems that Vesyolye Ulybki, their third studio album, was released on October 21, 2008. Russia is so lucky that they can nonchalantly prance into their nearest FYE and pick it up. Sigh... also, the movie "You and I" or "Finding t.A.T.u." is set to come out in 2009, hopefully with Vesyolye Ulybki English counterpart. There has been no confirmation of when the English counterpart is coming out, though, so I am not marking any days down in my mental calender. Anyway, I have been listening to their Russian album and I am happy that there are some songs in English, but I was never hindered by the Russian lyrics before. Either way, it is great! The last time I had a t.A.T.u. binge was months ago, in the summer, when I watched the videos for "Beliy Plaschik" and "220". Watching their videos just reminds me how smitten I am that I sit drooling over my computer for days.

But why? How did this all happen? Well, even when I was in 6th grade or before I came to realize my homosexuality, I was taken by them. Their catchy songs and even their controversy attracted me. But what really made me aflutter, was Elena "Lena" Katina. In comparison to the aggressive, spikey-haired Yulia Volkova, Lena had a softer demeanor. She was curvy, feminine, and fair, that I apparently, even in my supposed straightness, liked. She had a wonderful smile too and her eyes! It all just made me weak. Not only that, she seemed to have the "good girl" image down pat in comparison to her rough-edged Yulia, but she was not entirely sugar-coated. You know, it takes more than one girl to make a sexy faux-lesbian duo! Of course, I was heartbroken to know that they weren't really gay, but I forgave them because their evil producer forced them into it. Anyway, they since gave him the boot and their fans were jaded, feeling lied to and betrayed. However, they spoke for the LGBT community at a gay pride event, stating that they always promoted love without any boundaries.

But I digress. What I really must say is that Lena helped me figure out who I am. She also seemed to define my ideal girl. Red hair, pale skin, curvy, "good girl" (quotations included), feminine, soft personality, eyes that just made me all gaga. That profile's fitting of my girlfriend now. I was told that she even looks like her and for both of us, that's a good thing. Obviously, my girlfriend and Lena are two separate people, but hadn't it been for "what made me gay", I wouldn't have my girlfriend who I love very much.

Oh, not to mention, I have a weakness for well-executed Russian accents. My girlfriend isn't Russian and by no means has an accent, except when she gets angry or passionate about something that her southern accent comes out, but she's basically half-Polish. Polish people and Russian people both have pirogies on their breath, so that's close enough. God, I'm horrible... but to the readers: did you guys have any ridiculous celebrity crushes? Also, are they still your biggest crush today?

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My Conclusions:

• I'm glad I liked t.A.T.u so much. It made me more accepting of girls kissing, but this interest was not so much a big hit at my Catholic school...
• t.A.T.u. is very politically-minded sometimes. The video for "Beliy Plaschik" features an anti-abortion message. I'm pro-choice but I was moved by it.
• New favorite t.A.T.u. song: "Fly On The Wall". They're as stalker-like as I am.
• In the beginning of their careers, they often donned schoolgirl outfits. They weren't like the ones I wore, no sir. If we wore their schoolgirl outfits, I would have recognized that I was gay long before them.
• Originally, I was ashamed of liking them because of the lesbian image that was associated with them. I hid their CD in the basement. I ended up buying a new one years later and now it's all destroyed from how much I listened to it and carried it around.
• Yulia is always said to be hotter than Lena. She's skinny, tan, naughty... she fits the stereotype for "hot". But I don't like skinny girls... curves are where it's at.